Resurgence
When I think of the beginning of Autumn, I think of seasonal change, leaves changing colors only to drop to the ground, cooler temperatures, shorter days, and longer nights. This September brought me a much needed surprise. I say this is the most wonderful time of the year (folks normally reserve that for Christmas) because it is the annual convening of Black folks in national politics. The Congressional Black Caucus Foundation Annual Legislative Conference (ALC) is where I spent some of my best early years as a young professional in politics. I had the great benefit of co-founding a nonprofit—IMPACT— with colleagues Joe Briggs, Semhar Aria, Adria Crutchfield, and Ryan Scott. We held an annual reception called Preview every ALC where we highlighted young professionals under 40. As our organization grew, we welcomed Dr. David Johns and Kendra Davis Briggs. And later, Michiel Perry and Krystal Leaphart (our organization’s Chiefs of Staff), Nina Smith, Sarah Misailidis, Brandon Andrews, Eugene Brown, and many others to continue the organization’s mission. We held an Emerging Leaders Town Hall co-hosted with Congressman Bennie Thompson. This work provided us with organizing experience that propelled us in our careers. This ALC I did not plan any events. I spoke on and moderated panels. I visited with some of my favorite CBC members at their events. And I got to watch my peers and mentees kill it at their own events. That is LEGACY. It is not just my legacy. It is the legacy of the members who we worked for and with. The CBC is now 57 members strong—that, too, is legacy. There are a number of YOUNG, Black people in Congress—that is legacy. This year has been one of my most challenging and while my roots are in Seattle, my young professional roots are unequivocally from the Nation’s Capital. I had some earth shattering experiences on my own team that had me questioning everything and frankly, made it difficult to get out the bed. Going back to DC in my darkest hour allowed me to see the light. I spent time with my old team and a newer team member, Camera. My parents and partner being there was also grounding. I heard some great news from a dear friend that brought tears to my eyes. After revelations that damn near broke me and a broken heart late last year, I felt my heart burst open with joy this month. resurgence I so desperately needed is here. Resurgence rather than resilience because I am honestly tired of resilience for all of us. Resurgence because it feels like a rebirth but with power. And I know so many of us are in need of the kind of rebirth that comes with the strength of community. Thank God for the people who hold us up and encourage us whether we are up or down. Here is an excerpt I sent my old team: “My forever work fam (and real fam): I love you guys dearly. I just touched down in LA with tears in my eyes, I want you to know how grateful I am. My heart needed to be with you all it feels full and healed. You all remind me that 9 times outta 10 humans are good. So just thank you.” I pray for each of us who are in need of or going through a rebirth that we have midwives and doulas on the journey who get us to resurgence with grace. A Very Special Episode of Do You Know Your Black Facts Mayne Filmed at CBCF ALC ’23 Shout out to Beyoncé for the $4.5 billion economic impact from her Renaissance tour. I got the attend the show in my hometown of Seattle at Lumen Field. Here are the top 5 moments from the show I saw with my bestie, Leonetta Elaiho. In Case You Missed It IMPACT’s Professional Development Program was launched for it’s Fall ’23 Cohort. Sending you all the love, joy, freedom, justice, and power you can stand. Righteously and cheerfully,
Purpose
“If a human being dreams a great dream, dares to love somebody; if a human being dares to be Martin King, or Mahatma Gandhi, or Mother Theresa, or Malcolm X; if a human being dares to be bigger than the condition into which she or he was born-it means so can you.” –Maya Angelou I do not remember when my purpose became such an important quest or the first time I asked myself “what was I born to do?”, but I also do not remember not wondering why I am here. I feel some pressure to become and to do something great. My last day as the CBC Executive Director, I wondered if that would be my greatest accomplishment. When I got the call that my CNN contract would not be renewed in 2021, I had the same thought. These are the thoughts we ponder when too much of our identities are tied up into jobs and titles. Perhaps when those identities are also too tied to parental approval (or somebody else). I don’t know about you all, but hearing my Dad say he is proud of me has always fueled my need for a dopamine rush. So what is purpose if it is not our resumes, gifts, talents, and accomplishments? I believe it is in our essence. Who am I without any external influence? The answer to that question is a journey I am still on to answer—and I will say it is scary. To remove the very things I am known for, to separate myself from my contributions to the world, or what else I hope to accomplish leaves me just with who I am, at my core. Who I am as designed by the Most High is not tied to press releases, television clips, and viral posts on social media. In my truest form, my greatest dreams are tied to becoming the best version of myself—and not by YOUR standards, by mine and God. August had two full moons, the latter taking place on my Mama and Papa Rye’s 54th Anniversary—August 30. The Super Blue Moon also coincided with Raksha Bandhan, a Hindu festival that celebrates the bond between siblings. What is purpose without interdependence, really? The direct translation of the name of the festival is the bond of protection, obligation or care. For the families we are born into and the families we chose, may we forever remember that our individual purposes cannot be so separate and so distinct from the loving bond we share with humanity. May we forever fulfill the dreams that make our collective conditions better than we found them…I think Queen Maya would affirm that! While I have been in places I never had the audacity to dream of, there are still so many dreams I have yet to realize. As we reflect on the 60th anniversary of the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom, those are also dreams deferred in this country. Promising legislative changes in 1964, 1965, and 1968 as well as federal administrative based policies like affirmative action were born that seemed to demonstrate a better day was coming. Well, just like Reconstruction was met with Jim Crow. Civil Rights were met with Ronald Reagan and Clarence Thomas to name a few. The promise of hope and change came to a screeching halt with Donald Trump’s election who has most recently been met with multiple indictments on the state and federal level. And as we celebrate the 50th anniversary of hip hop, it is important for me to note that the soundtrack of journeying to purpose has been laced with some of the greatest hip hop tracks of our time, so this month check out my Tidal playlist: “First Love: An Ode to Hip Hop”. Also in celebration of hip hop, I am elated to be a producer on ESPN Films and E60’s “The Crossover: 50 Years of Hip-Hop and Sports” directed by the incredible Julian Gooden—it airs September 12, 2023 at 7:30 pm ET on ESPN. Top 5 Black Women You MUST Know from the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom on August 28, 1963 Don’t Forget! PDP Applications are open until September 8th. Sending you all the love, joy, freedom, justice, and power you can stand. Righteously and cheerfully,
Independence
Every July, I wrestle with the concept of independence and who is truly responsible for my freedom journey. It’s been years since I even said “Happy Fourth of July” or “Happy Independence Day” because the history of my people does not align with the celebration (that does not mean that I do not hypocritically eat and prepare food to hang out with family on the same day). It does mean that I always think of the words of Frederick Douglass in his most profound speech “What to the Slave Is the Fourth of July?” Ossie Davis reads Frederick Douglass: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-cVwuMmylA He states: “I am not included within the pale of glorious anniversary! Your high independence only reveals the immeasurable distance between us. The blessings in which you, this day, rejoice, are not enjoyed in common. The rich inheritance of justice, liberty, prosperity and independence, bequeathed by your fathers, is shared by you, not by me. The sunlight that brought light and healing to you, has brought stripes and death to me. This Fourth July is yours, not mine…” And for those among us who continue to argue that my people benefitted from slavery, Frederick Douglass made these very salient points that still ring true today: “What, am I to argue that it is wrong to make men brutes, to rob them of their liberty, to work them without wages, to keep them ignorant of their relations to their fellow men, to beat them with sticks, to flay their flesh with the lash, to load their limbs with irons, to hunt them with dogs, to sell them at auction, to sunder their families, to knock out their teeth, to burn their flesh, to starve them into obedience and submission to their masters? Must I argue that a system thus marked with blood, and stained with pollution, is wrong? No! I will not. I have better employment for my time and strength than such arguments would imply.” For those who say: “I thank God for slavery,” he would have retorted: “What, then, remains to be argued? Is it that slavery is not divine; that God did not establish it; that our doctors of divinity are mistaken? There is blasphemy in the thought. That which is inhuman, cannot be divine! Who can reason on such a proposition? They that can, may; I cannot. The time for such argument is passed.” It is hard to feel free while watching courts make it more difficult for this country’s citizens to vote. It is hard to feel free when affirmative action is ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme Court, but legacy admission remains. It is hard to feel free when we continue to bear witness to police violence nationwide. It is hard to feel free when we are balancing oppression with the challenges of everyday life. We all need outlets! That is why I am really missing my girl’s vacation this year because it is a time where WE feel so free! Being with them is equal parts joyful, nourishing, spiritual, and challenging. These ladies REQUIRE each other to be our best selves and I love it! So many of us have encountered great loss and experienced tremendous obstacles this year. I guess we will be building our playlists and getting our jokes ready for the Fall. See you soon, Machetes! Top 5 For Summer Vibes Sending you all the love, joy, freedom, justice, and power you can stand. Righteously and cheerfully,
A Father’s Love
As I celebrate another June, which is generally ALL about some of the men in my life I love dearly—all the fathers, Papa Rye, Javon, Ryan, AND Lenard all have birthdays this month—it always provides an opportunity to reflect on the breadth and depth of a father’s love. Recently, Papa Rye and I had a really emotional conversation about one of the few times (maybe a couple) where I felt unprotected and unheard. As I recounted the nearly 20-year old story to him, I realized that while my pain was real, what was even more present for me was the consistency he provided in protecting me, in hearing me, in showing up for me, and honestly—understanding me. My father and I are so in sync, if I have a bad day, his sleep is off. When I used to get upset on-air at CNN and the world saw eyes bulging, heard an elevated voice, and zingers that cut down my opponent, Papa Rye would see my pain. As soon as my segment concluded, he would call and ask me if I was okay. Bursting in to tears of frustration and simultaneous relief for being seen by my very first love made me feel like this, too, shall pass. This is the same seeing he did when he zipped me into my puffy coat in the morning on the way to school. This was the same provision that would deliver a gourmet deli lunch to school (that, of course, included a Clearly Canadian). This was the same love that rushed to hug with the subtle pat to let me know we are good and ready to move on. My Dad’s eyes don’t just see me though and his love doesn’t only cover me and he doesn’t reserve his protection for me alone. He is this was for the culture. It is his mission, his raison d’etre to be in service of humanity this way. He might be annoyed that I shared “family business” but what I want to know is his seeing all of us makes me see even better. That insight enabled me how much we fear ever hurting or disappointing each other. As human beings, parents do fall short. But when you love like Papa Rye with a heart that bag there’s always a new beginning. I love you Daddy. Thank you for modeling amazing parenting and community building for me. Sending you all the love, joy, freedom, justice, and power you can stand. Righteously and cheerfully,
Detox
It’s Spring again! My godson, Efe Elaiho, went on a Spring Break service-learning trip to better the understand the experience of immigrants coming into this country and my best friend, Leonetta, decided that provided us an opportunity to be serviced. We indulged in our own Spring Break and HUNNAYYYYYYYYY! After the last six months we have had, we needed to be cared for and spa-ed (that may not be a word, but it is NOW!). One of our favorite places on Earth is Miraval in Tucson, Arizona. From Darlene to Vanessa to Paul, Lolita, and Sherie we were checked on, served, and protected. We had some of our favorite facials, body treatments, and massages. We even climbed the Giant Ladder! I did a birdwatching class because I have a spiritual connection to these small, yet mighty creatures. Miraval did not disappoint, and it helped jumpstart our Spring Detox and Cleanse. Queen Afua asked me to participate in her annual Spring Equinox Detox and it resonated. I knew it was time for a deep cleanse and reset. Taking the supplements, juicing, and shifting the unhealthy out of our diets are the easier lifts. What about what we choose to think about, dwell on? What about those people we need to forgive and releasing that anger? Detoxification is best when it happens holistically—body, mind, spirit, AND physical space. Detoxing is about shedding. Women during some seasons of their lives shed their uterine lining to get rid of what is old and make room for what is new. It is about cleaning and purging. We don’t call it spring cleaning for nothing! Detoxing enables us to reset and renew. We are backed up, congested, and too full of days, months, and years of what no longer (and sometimes, what never has) served us. Too often, that congestion prevents us from receiving the nutrition and nourishment that we actually need to survive and thrive. Detoxing provides space to evaluate where we have been, where we are, and where we are going. I love this time of evaluation. It took me so long to accept that it is okay to ask myself what I need! What needs attention? What needs healing? Where am I feeling depleted? Taking some deep breaths and doing a body scan help me answer these questions—acknowledging where in my body I feel fatigued, tender, or sore. I have implemented a number of body practices at the guidance of trusted friends, healers, and chosen family—Devi Brown, Queen Afua, Yadi, Latham (Mama Glow) and others. These practices not only support me in seasons of detox, but also in my overall wellness journey. Some practices I highly encourage you to consider are: • Acupuncture: my go-tos are Dr. Jessica, Dr. Sheila Campbell (@nuchi.us) and Dr. Zhang because I am a new person when I leave either of them. • Brainspotting: Dr. Halcyon Francis (IG: @hfassociatesllc) is MY GIRL!! I have had some major breakthroughs with her on this brainspotting journey. Hal! I am booking again soon. • Breathwork: I love Ana Lilia! She is such a powerful breathwork coach and let me tell you, she can give me a run for my money on playlists! Follow her on IG: @_ana_lilia. • Colonics: Soooooo this is not a glamorous process, but it is so necessary. I started going to this place in Atlanta (I am so mad I cannot remember the name) that was not far from where my cousin lived years ago. I now will frequent places with an OPEN system. This is very important if you would like to prevent the baby diaper booboo explosion effect (Chile, happened once and never again!). • Have you all heard of heavy metal detoxification?! OMG. I just learned about the havoc heavy metals can wreak on our bodies a few months ago. I am not going to lie to you, it is expensive. BUT I am committed to figuring out how to make this more affordable for everyone. I have a great naturopathic practitioner at the Health and Vitality Institute, Dr. Shiva Lalezar. At LEAST, get a heavy metals lab test done. These levels impact so many parts of our bodies. • Naturopathic Doctor: I love Dr. Jessica Norton at Nature Cure Integrative in my hometown. She is very thorough, very helpful, AND does acupuncture too! • Salt baths: Every time my spirit is disturbed, Devi AND Queen have directed me straight to the tub with two pounds (AT LEAST) of Epsom salt. My go to brand is Dr. Teals. They have so many good blends that can align with different intentions. It’s the candles, Londrelle’s Self-Care Package, and the bubbles for me! • Therapy: I so miss my weeklies with Dr. Mariel, but I still have Yadi! • I am woefully inconsistent with my yoga practice, so if I get in a good groove with a good spot, I will add it to the next newsletter. • Yoni steam: This is such a rejuvenating practice for me. The time over the steam allows me to reconnect with my intentions, affirmations, and prayers. It is so nourishing. I met a wonderful sister, Erlinda Carter, who makes amazing herbal blends for a great steaming experience. Follow her on IG @girlgangsteaming! I know this probably looks like a full-time job, but staying in our right minds, keeping our bodies in prime condition, and loving on ourselves spiritually is the most important work we can do. It is true—I am obsessive about these things. I want to experience freedom and I think these modalities are a part of that liberation. My job requires my brain to be in optimum shape, so I have to protect my greatest asset. I am older, but I want to have children. I am 43, but desire to look 25! LOL. Let’s keep loving, learning, healing, AND detoxing, fam! Check This Out! Sending you all the love, joy, freedom, justice, and power you can stand. Righteously and cheerfully,
Women’s History Month
Happy Women’s History Month! I am notorious for posting an IG inspirational quote. Wooooo do they resonate. Sometimes they are words I wish I could have articulated myself and often, they are words deeply felt despite my inability to express them. The kids say: “SEEN.” And I long for my followers to have the same experience of being fully seen, so I share….a GAZILLION of them! Safety comes from connecting with your divinity providing a pathway to return to the truest parts of yourself. Once you really see yourself, you can see the world and everyone else what it is. ACCEPTANCE is a prerequisite for safety and yet, it is one of the most difficult things to do. I put acceptance and letting go at the top of my list for giving: “MIRACLE REQUIRED TO PULL THIS OFF.” We have been trained to be deathly afraid of the unknown, which is where the journey of letting go often leads us. There goes that darkness again…children are given nightlights to avoid it. Adults sometimes fall asleep with the tv on to prevent being in the stillness of the darkness. That same darkness, that solitude was Harriet’s clear road to freedom on 19 separate journeys. If we can brave the darkness, we’ll find the safety of freedom on the other side. Because deep in the abyss of the unknown is our Inner Knowing. It is beyond the veil. If we are brave enough, we will FAFO. I grew up feeling very safe. I am in full recognition that it’s not only a point of privilege to grow up with both my loving, doting parents AND all my grandparents AND a village of aunts, uncles, cousins, and extended family. My loving safety net and village was expansive. However, my experiences feeling a lack of safety physically happened very early and there are three different instances etched in my memory—all when I was 3. 1. There was a string of burglaries near my second childhood home in Mount Baker, so my parents were serious about putting the alarm on. Me and that alarm got in a fist fight one night when I called myself sneaking to get bubble gum downstairs. It went off and it startled me to the point of near death. I failed on Operation Late Night Bubble Gum. 2. My Dad’s friend, Lee Carter, was at the house when my Mom and I returned. I had not been properly briefed (I am kind of joking, but not really) and didn’t know he was there…and sadly, I have never been great at “doing new people.” I came around a corner, he spoke and scared THEEEEEE shiiiiii out of your girl. Also, I was just learning about strangers. And I already told y’all the burglaries were going down in Mount Baker! Sorry Lee Carter! You are a wonderful person…really, it’s not you—it’s me! 3. My mom and I routinely went to Frederick and Nelson’s Department store after church. One Sunday, in sheer excitement, I bolted onto the elevator leaving my mom behind. She ran to the door and slung her purse to try to keep the door open. I will never forget the terror in her eyes and the pit in my stomach from realizing I had just made a huge mistake. The store was completely shut down for over an hour while they searched for me. I never ran on another elevator again. While these are physical safety examples, the memories create a very real, traumatic emotional experience in my body. Creating safety has meant coming to terms with what happened using my more mature mind and providing comfort (and forgiveness) to the scared inner child who is still very present within. As we usher in Spring, let us usher in new beginnings, boundaries, and experiences that are overflowing with safety for ourselves and everyone we encounter. Sending you all the love, joy, freedom, justice, and power you can stand. Righteously and cheerfully,
Black History Month
February has historically been more about reclaiming, naming, and honoring Black History more than love. I am consistently Black, but not consistently in love. For 43 years, my love life has been marked more by inconsistency than anything else. Some could say I missed the part in I Corinthians 13 about longsuffering-ness, others could say I suffered more than I ought. I think its somewhere in between. I come from a long line of women who put up with too much—too much abuse, infidelity, humiliation, and more. In the spirit of being longsuffering, they stayed. Arguably, to their detriment. I watched many women I love suffer in silence—internalized depression, stress, bitterness, and sadness—that they rarely even discussed. It scared me! I questioned whether love that feels and is good is even possible. My response to what I have both heard and witnessed is to have a low or no tolerance policy to the same. I have fled stability. I have stayed too long in chaos. I have sabotaged before I had the opportunity to be hurt (or not). I have perpetually returned to those who have wounded and scarred my heart. I can see where I made decisions to stay in toxic relationships because I wanted to be married with children. I wallowed in dread because I so prioritized my career that I feared I missed my opportunity to birth children. And I spent time trying to emotionally connect to men who I intuitively knew were emotionally unavailable or unable to sustain the kind of emotional connection I require. And while I may not be on the other side of it, I know I am healing because I can see all of it. Good love is possible, but requires an unbelievable amount of work and transparency. Intimacy is impossible without being completely willing to be vulnerably and courageous about working on our stuff! The main thing I have learned about love…and in my experience, Black love, is too many relationships die without giving each other the benefit of the doubt. Hell, humanity requires that. We will die off completely without hope. We NEED each other to give the benefit of the doubt, to believe the best of and in us. Black people: we need to believe that this world will get better for us. That a world can be created for us to breathe fresh air, drink clean water, get a good education, and where our culture is put on because we are centered and not merely appropriated. I will write more about it next month, but as I sit here at the end of Black History Month mourning the loss of Gram at 105 years old, I feel both angry and confused. Logically, I know it’s impossible, but in my heart I thought she would be with us forever. Gram has been asking God to take her for the last twenty years. God did not listen, so I just knew we needed her more. Gram had a way about her. Even in complaint (not all my life but definitely since law school), she prioritized US. If I sat in front of her, she made me feel like nothing else mattered in the world. She prioritized her loved ones over her pain and suffering. You gave to us until there was nothing left. You gave every bit of your love, so of course, you would depart in the month of love. Gram: as I listen to “Unforgettable” in your memory, I pray you felt as loved as you loved us. Thank you for pushing yourself to say one more time: “I love you guys.” You said it twice, so we would always remember that. Thank you for making us feel unforgettable too. Teresa the Plant? She is still bugging. Literally. I saw little bugs on her. I took her out the old soil, sprayed some neem oil on her roots, let her dry out a bit, and put her outside. She ain’t been right since Gram passed. But I am not giving up on Teresa, like I am not giving up on Black love, like I am not giving up on the culture, or Black facts. Y’all: send Teresa some good vibes. Happy Black History Month! Sending you all the love, joy, freedom, justice, and power you can stand. Righteously and cheerfully,
Transform
Sending you all the love, joy, freedom, justice, and power you can stand. Righteously and cheerfully,
Reform
Hey Family, *Exhales* The year is almost over! 2022 has been a year filled with life lessons, laughter, new adventures, losses, and love. There’s so much that I could say about the crazy year that was 2022, but I think the word that sticks out the most is: grateful. I’m truly grateful for this year because I learned lessons I didn’t know I needed. There’s so much that I’m grateful for, but I cannot express my gratitude enough for YOU! You continue to support me day and I appreciate you so much. During this time of year, spending time with family is so important to me. It brings me joy that I simply cannot describe. I encourage you to find joy this holiday season. Whether it’s spending time with family and friends or spending time with yourself, I want you to do what brings you joy. Why? Because you deserve it! There are processes we can opt to go through to become a better version of ourselves. Sometimes it feels like a calling or somewhat of a spiritual tug. One day, we look in the proverbial mirror and do not like what is reflected to us. This normally brings about a season of intense change. Historically, I have gone through these seasons by starting with an open-ended question to my loved ones: “where do I need to improve?” At times, the question comes from self-pity and a result of not seeing, hearing, or feeling the answers anywhere else. As a natural fixer, my biggest project is MYSELF. Far too often, I apply unmeetable and graceless standards to myself, my progress, and my journey. Those questions begin with “Why didn’t you just…”, “Why can’t you…”, “Why do you always…”, “Why aren’t you…”. This line of questioning leads me down a road of deficit mentality because it emphasizes what I am not and where I fall short. Yet, the silver lining (if I can call it that) is I always end up with something to fix. This is a textbook example of our gifts also being our curses. Treating myself like a project results in temporary, feel good solutions and not always long term paradigm shifts. These shifts are about conforming to some standard I witnessed or otherwise believe exists—but with rules. When I think about reform, I see strict abiding by rules and following the letter of the law to perfection. It feels rigid and cold, but also safe. I did an Enneagram assessment a few years back and my primary personality is “The Reformer”. Law school, for me, was about using the law to advocate for the interests of people who are often left out because they do not have people who will stand up for them. I use rules to save, to protect, to advocate, and to create change. No wonder it feels safe! Even as a child, I thrived at competition (more academic than sports because I was a SORE loser!) earning my rewards. From my mom’s chore chart on the wall that was eventually covered with gold starts to school spelling bees, I performed best when I was clear about what rules to follow to win. Somewhere along the journey, I think we begin to feel like if we just strictly follow these specific rules or this specific formula, we will eventually find our way home to the original versions of ourselves. We try to put the pieces back together again when we may not even recognize the puzzle’s design anymore because there are so many pieces missing. At this phase, we are DOING change rather than being change… There is something about reforming that turns the page without embracing the darkness, fast forwarding through the pain of the journey just to turn the page. I met Jesus and that relationship changed the way I spoke and dressed. It changed my hobbies and the music I listened to. It changed my friend circle and sadly, it changed the way I engaged in activism to support racial justice (I am not blaming this on Jesus, but rather my embracing of my specific church’s subculture at the time). I saw emphasis placed on submission—to church leadership and wives to husbands. For years, when I reflected on my church experience in my youth and young adult years, I was filled with resentment for the rules that led me to sell all my secular CDs (including Aaliyah’s One in a Million album—that’s how you KNOW I love Jesus) to a local buy and sell store. Some of the rules, I had the courage to challenge, but most I didn’t. One rule was there could be no baby showers for single mothers. The elders thought that showering the baby with gifts encouraged teenage pregnancy. I, however, believed that meant punishing a child who did not ask to be born. Since I could not do baby showers through church ministry, I developed a parachurch ministry called Young Women of Virtue that included Bible Studies, small groups, prayer meetings, activities, and…baby showers. That is the impermanence of reform because we did not do much in shifting the mentality of the elders. It can feel like there’s only one way…very Old Testament where we earn our holiness and righteousness instead of the access granted by God’s unconditional love and grace. This rigidity is why I have a love-hate relationship with grace. Where does that happen?! Shouldn’t I be embracing grace with wide open arms? Yes, of course, but until this day, I wrestle with the concept because I am accustomed to earning my place rather than accepting and receiving grace for my place…that I deserve. WOW. If we don’t get stuck in the reform work, our road to personal freedom doesn’t end here and we may end up with a more permanent, grace-filled option that involves a little unlearning. “I’m finally on the other side, I finally found the urge to smile/ Swimmin’ through the oceans of tears we cried/ You know you got church in the morning/ But…
Stepping into Freedom
“And don’t you ever, ever, give up on YOU” Sheryl Lee Ralph, 2022 Emmy Acceptance Speech Hey Family, Que “September” by Earth, Wind & Fire, and meet me on the dance floor! This month, we are celebrating ourselves in our truest form. Let’s vow to connect with whatever brings us happiness and make space for abundant joy! This month, let’s commit to falling back in love with what it means to be…ourselves! This newsletter will be the first of a five part series examining personal freedom. The first element of personal freedom is form. I believe our formation is according to God’s design, which develops and takes shape according to the Most High’s plan for us. The journey to get here, through the creation pipeline, to taking our very first breath, is no easy feat. There was a careful crafting of each step of your evolution and right now, I am only talking about your physical existence. You are not just one in a million. You are one in a HUNDRED million. Why? Because we scrapped and fought out (well, on average) 99,999,999 million sperm who all swam to meet the egg. Nearly 5,000 sperm make it into the uterus, out of that, nearly 1,000 sperm enter the fallopian tube, and from there, 200 sperm reach the egg and apply pressure to the zona pellucida to penetrate the egg. Just one penetrates and fertilizes the egg. Did you realize the egg actually chooses which sperm fertilizes it? To understand what it takes for an egg to survive, for sperm to make it, for embryos to develop, and how many odds are against us from the very beginning—I am in complete awe of the miracle of life! This is only the first miraculous step it took for us to begin the journey of life in the formation of a zygote. As the zygote continues its journey through the fallopian tube it becomes a morula. Upon reaching the uterus, it evolves into a blastocyst and the blastocyst attaches to the uterine lining for implantation. By the ninth week, a fetus evolves and will continue to grow in the womb of the birthing parent, if that is the destined path. The process from day one to week nine is intense and complicated. We all know that life, if we are blessed to experience it after being carried by our parents for nine months, is filled with many joys and many challenges. We move from a formative experience in the womb to our formative years in life—learning our identities, being called by our names, learning our respective places in our families and communities, what we think, how we communicate, and how we relate to the outside world. Some morph into fitting and others take bold shape, no matter the method we learn to make space or fall into place. For many, this initial formation is restrictive and yet for others, it is where we find ourselves, or at least, elements of ourselves. As we begin to develop, more and more external forces begin to influence our original form. Development, maturation, evolution…we don’t seek to be (stagnant), we seek to become, constantly evolving. After all, if stagnant waters are toxic and poisonous, how much more does that apply to human beings? I remember the first time I heard my dear brother, Resmaa Menakem, say “you are not defective.” In my mind, I retorted, “of course not!” But when I slowed down and examined the many things society tells us about our outward appearances, our cultural identities, and frankly the way rights are given and so easily taken away, it is something that we need to be reminded of—daily. Despite the ways in which systemic oppression conspires against us and how difficult it can be to just take a breath, we are worthy of being reminded that when God looks at us who were knitted together fearfully and wonderfully—it is, we are, GOOD. Form is directly correlated to our freedom to be… In the purest form God is… and in our truest form, so are we. We are brilliant, we are beautiful, we are bold. Speaking of the bold and the beautiful, can we get into New York Fashion Week (NYFW)? When I tell you that my melanated people did not come to play this year…We showed up and showed out! The designers, aesthetics, outfits, colors, and the LEWKS took over New York and broke the internet, confirming once again that we really are, A VIBE. I LOVE NYFW because I get to tap into a space that brings me so much joy! My love for fashion goes back to my childhood. I used to sit under my mom who was a dynamic seamstress in her spare time. From matching outfits with her (and of course, my dolls) to having the opportunity to design my prom dress that she sewed–not to mention all of the incredible ski outfits, fashion was a central part of our mother-daughter bonding time. Even though I grew up with a heavy emphasis on education because of her role as an administrator at a community college, fashion gave me a creative way to express myself, and y’all know I love expressing exactly what’s on my mind! In the midst of a new political storm brewing everyday, NYFW was a little reminder to myself that I can (and I will) wear these stilettos, put on my bright pink outfit, and still ensure you understand that these GOP governors are out of line for kidnapping undocumented people who just came to this country to find a better life–ALL at the same damn time! Regardless of how young or old we think we are, how much we try to convince ourselves we don’t have the time, or how we might self-sabotage our way into thinking we don’t deserve it…WE DO, YOU DO. Every month I challenge you to push beyond the boundaries, and this time won’t be any different. Make sure you make time for things that bring back memories that sound just…