Happy Birthday A. Rye!
Something’s gotta change/ Sounds of laughter and happiness turns my teardrops to rain/ Been bearin’ this burden for too many of my days/ Looks like breezes of autumn done finally blew my way/ Like memories of yesterday…Trees bright and green turn yellow-brown/Autumn caught ‘em, see all them leaves must fall down/ Growin Old.” -Outkast, 13th Floor/Growing Old Hey Family, Que the music! It’s my Birthday (and my work Dad, Rep. Cleaver, and Hillz, and Mahalia!). I am so grateful to be celebrating another year of love, joy, and freedom with you! This year has reminded me of all the beauty of life, and I am so humbled to be able to step into another year. What is better than one October Birthday? TWO! Happy Birthday to MAMA RYE! I am so grateful for your generosity of spirit, deep compassion, everlasting love, immense wisdom, and unwavering brilliance! My mom and I share my birthday month with some dynamic people, who unfortunately are not able to celebrate it the way they deserve. To Brittney Griner, we are sending you all the love, and the late George Floyd, you will always be in our hearts. October is my birthday month and always provides me with an opportunity to reflect on the things that made me. Each year, there are things I focus on shedding and others I cling to in deep gratitude. I have amazing memories with my loving parents and the joy I had growing up with my cousins and grandparents. I am still working on shedding traumas I carry from infidelity in relationships to seeing addiction destroy parts of my larger family. And still, daily, I thank God for abundant life! This year, I just want to get free ya’ll! And the path to freedom is a remarkable and challenging journey. Deform. This is the second element in this five-part series on how our humanity, if we are fortunate, unfolds and evolves into true freedom. To deform is to force, alter, or make something adapt from its intended nature. These twists, turns, bends, contortions, and distortions can be painful, and we have all experienced them. After we are formed, we begin to take definition. If we are not careful, we will be molded and defined by the hands of others and before we know it a lifetime has passed by and when we come to ourselves, our reflections are unrecognizable. Deformation is not about transitions or seasonal changes like the one we are in now—autumn when the temperature drops, leaves change colors, and we eat and drink things that warm us up from the inside out. Here, I am not talking about the kinds of shaping and refining that is a result of God’s hands on our lives. We all must endure tests and trials, but I have got to believe I am not the only one who subjected myself to some testing that did not necessarily have to happen! Taking on the shape, the mentality, and the ways of another for sure bring us to the brink of becoming someone other than ourselves. And the truth is that kind of deformation is always painfully unwarranted. Yet somehow it is a part of all our lives—it WILL happen. Trying to become something we are not is an experience we all have growing up. We have all had that revelatory “I don’t fit in” moment—and sometimes, multiple points—in our lives. We face the harsh, but beautiful realization that we are different and called to that uniqueness. Too often I made the decision after sitting with that revelation to adapt, to morph into something I was not in order to fly below the radar. I would model myself after a prototype instead of resting in the knowledge that I am the prototype for me. What resulted after the distortion is a person I did not like because I did not really know her. And sadly, sometimes it takes years to realize the construction work we have done on ourselves did not get us any closer to our essence. In middle school I found myself wishing for hair that was a different texture and thinner (SILLY RABBIT!!), so I could have the styles that I loved the most in Hype Hair Magazine. As a result, most of my traumatic hair stories come from some idea I got from the magazine and begged my hairstylist, sister-cousin, Mia to do (even if she warned me that said style would not work because of the length/texture/thickness of my hair). I was in the eighth grade during the resurgence of finger waves and pin curls, and the slick was brought to you by Let’s Jam! I had never had a single finger wave nor pin curl despite my ability to do snake wave baby hairs. I was ready for the revolution as was magazined in Hype Hair. There was one particular style I absolutely had to have. The girl had blunt cut bangs, the top half of her hair with precisely laid pin curls, and the bottom half was pressed and down. My hair was long (past my shoulder blades) and thick. My hair was so thick that every other beautician with the sole exception of Mia complained the entire time they styled my hair. I had been saving this doggy-eared Hype Hair Magazine image all summer and right up until picture day eve. This was the look. I had my striped crew neck long sleeved shirt and insanely baggy jeans from Jeans West. Your girl was ready for the world—well, at least picture day—and all that was standing in my way was these pin curls because as soon as I excitedly tore open this magazine and showed Mia this hairdo the protest began. Mia was emphatic that my hair was way too long and thick for this hairstyle. It would take too long. The style would not last until tomorrow because it would immediately come apart. The pin curls wouldn’t even sit on my scalp—and I tuned out the rest. All I…
This is 42…
Hello Framily (friends and family), This is such a significant time of rebirth in my life. I experienced a difficult breakup, had some major shifts in my career (perhaps you’ve noticed I have not been on CNN since January), and what in the WORLD is this pandemic doing to us?! I was left questioning: “Who am I?” and for the first time in my life, I found peace in not rattling off accomplishments to get to who. My identity was almost always wrapped up in what I could put on paper, awards I have won, and making my parents proud–rather than what cannot be taken away and what is in my sole control–my character. It took many therapy sessions and healers to get me to this point in my journey (shout out to Yadi, Devi, Dr. Mariel, Queen Afua, and the IG therapists too–I see you!). I traveled to Ghana in March of this year with Queen Afua and some other amazing souls. Everywhere we went, we were met with an “Akwaaba” or “welcome home”. Those words filled a deep void inside me I didn’t know existed, but felt deeply as tears dropped from my eyes as the plane landed amidst visions of red clay dirt in Accra. The pilgrimage to the continent deepened me into another, equally important journey–the road to returning home to myself. The road to get here has not been easy and really started in earnest about a year and a half ago. I have spent a lifetime constructing a protective character for little Angela to hide behind because the little one is far more sensitive and vulnerable. The character I built is someone many of you have come to know and love. She is strong, honest, unfiltered, and fiercely protective of herself, her loved ones, and her community. While she is not a lie, she only represents a part of me (*cue En Vogue*). A lifelong perfectionist (at least, until now!), I generally like to have things figured out and be an expert before I share, but that won’t help me (or you!) this time, so I am leaving that old pattern behind me. I am more free than I have ever been and I still have so much to learn. Thank you. I am so grateful you signed up to bear witness to this imperfect journey to freedom–filled with highs and lows, ebbs and flows, and everything in between. May this number, this year lead us to acceptance of what IS. May we break unhealthy generational cycles and toxic patterns. May we focus on ALL we have and not what we do not. May we reflect the kind of compassion that ensures equity and access for ALL. May we heal, learn, grow, and love together. May we be our best and highest selves. The world is waiting for us! This is 42, y’all. Welcome to my rebirth! I pray you experience one too. Sending you all the love, joy, justice, and peace you can stand,